A New Start and a New Concern

The view out our door.  Beautiful.

With Halloween just around the corner things are transitioning here at home too.  In the morning K starts her new school.  We went Tuesday for the intake and to let her meet her new teachers.  This new school looks to be much more fitting to her needs.  I almost feel guilty for fighting it at the beginning of the year.  Hopefully this new start is just what she needs to go back to that happy, successful, learning child I had last year.

I talked to her teacher from last year and found out they have a picture of K up on the wall.  Her teacher was amazing and so special.  She has told me several times how special K is and how much she helped her become a better teacher - and the feeling is the same here.  Ms. G helped K become a better student, and a better person.  I know we can't go back to that right now, but if we can even get someone who understands K and is willing to work with her - which it seems the chances with this new school are much better - then we'll be back in a good setting.

Ready for her big day tomorrow, K fell asleep sitting up with her notepad and pen in hand. <3 p="p">

As for the little guy - Beans - we have a new concern on our hands.  A couple weeks ago I noticed a lump on his collarbone.  It was tiny but definitely there.  I had the school nurse look at it and she said if it didn't get better in a couple weeks to take him to the pediatrician.  Not only did it not get better, it doubled in size in that time.  It's still tiny, but not as small as it was.

Today we went to see what the doctor had to say.  She saw it right off, it's rather prominent as it sticks right out from the bone.  She wasn't sure whether to order an x-ray or ultrasound so she went and called someone to consult.  They told her that since it's so small we can wait two more weeks.  If it doesn't get bigger it's just a strange Beans thing but no big deal.  If it grows at all then we have to pursue more testing.  For now its called a bone mass.  Obviously we're hoping for no growth.

Tonight Beans sleeps soundly, unaware of what a mass can mean, and I hope for the best - for no growth.

And Grief Turns to Action

This post will have to be rather sketchy on the details due to all that's happened, but let's just say suddenly I'm extremely happy K will be changing schools.  On Tuesday after the PPT meeting, she was very upset when I went to leave.  Crying hysterically and grabbing for me.  It broke my heart to walk out the door and leave her at school, but I knew she needed to be there.

A note home that afternoon let me know the extent of her upset.  The two hours after I left were spent with K in tears and unable to calm down.  Instead of helping her in the autism classroom as was the point of the autism program as I understood it she was taken down to ISS (in school suspension).

I can't share what happened next but by the time she came home she was bruised on both elbows, a handprint on her forearm, a bruise on her stomach and bruises on the back of both knees from being shoved down on a bench.  Let's not forget the terror she now has about being arrested for crying thanks to comments made by the staff.

Today I went through the steps of our end of the investigation and the proper authorities are doing their part.  Instead of grieving her failure at this school I could not be happier to get her out of there and into the other one.  I can only hope she has a better experience there and that we can start making up some of the regression and fear that has been instilled.  Bruises fade fast, fear not so much. :(

Grieving

Something I learned in therapy over the past few months is that having a special needs child is like a grieving roller coaster.  Sometimes you have an up and are celebrating a milestone.  For instance, a couple weeks ago we celebrated K's (formerly Little Man) 13th birthday.  She had an amazing party with the most beautiful cake from an organization called Icing Smiles.  She's very much into the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic series and her amazing baker made her a Princess Cadence wedding cake from her FAVORITE scene in the whole series. 

We had a beautiful party with My Little Pony decorations, a Pinky Pie pinata, and a game.  Her cousins came from eastern Connecticut, our family friend P came and Grandma D was here too.  Her day couldn't have been happier.

That was the high.

Not ten days after and we're at the crushing low.  This year I fought very hard for K to be in an autism program at the new school.  She's been in full time self-contained (full time special ed) classes for basically her entire school career, with the exception of 2 weeks in third grade that were a terrible mistake.  The new school district doesn't "do" self-contained so her therapists, former teachers and I thought the autism program with assisted inclusion (an aide with her and a few other autistic kids in the regular class) would be the closest thing to a best choice available.

Clearly this was a big mistake.  I'll spare you most of the details, but K cannot handle the constant transitions of changing classes, she cannot handle the noise and stimulation of the large class sizes, and she cannot handle not having a "home base" to go to to be able to calm down.  Things we were assured would not be problems when agreeing to the placement.

One month into school and sweet K has to make another big transition - we have agreed it's in her best interest to change to another school.  This new one will better meet her needs, but it is proof again that she cannot handle any sort of inclusion classroom and needs the full support of self-contained. I know it may seem silly to be grieving another failed placement when we knew this was a chance we were taking, but it breaks my heart to see this fail in 8th grade.  She only has a few short years left of school.  She isn't going to catch up to her peers.  There's yet more accepting to do.  It is sad.  It's heartbreaking.  Yes, this too we'll get over and find more things to be positive about, but at the same time this deserves it's time and place to grieve over.

K should start at the new school within a few days.  I hope she can find the support she needs.  I love her so much and just want to see her happy and thriving like last year.  I hope this is the next place she'll find it, and if not, we'll search for the next home base.  Through it all though I've learned it's okay to grieve, it's healthy even, and things will get better and we will celebrate.  That is life with a special child and I love mine so much. <3 br="br">