Grieving

Something I learned in therapy over the past few months is that having a special needs child is like a grieving roller coaster.  Sometimes you have an up and are celebrating a milestone.  For instance, a couple weeks ago we celebrated K's (formerly Little Man) 13th birthday.  She had an amazing party with the most beautiful cake from an organization called Icing Smiles.  She's very much into the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic series and her amazing baker made her a Princess Cadence wedding cake from her FAVORITE scene in the whole series. 

We had a beautiful party with My Little Pony decorations, a Pinky Pie pinata, and a game.  Her cousins came from eastern Connecticut, our family friend P came and Grandma D was here too.  Her day couldn't have been happier.

That was the high.

Not ten days after and we're at the crushing low.  This year I fought very hard for K to be in an autism program at the new school.  She's been in full time self-contained (full time special ed) classes for basically her entire school career, with the exception of 2 weeks in third grade that were a terrible mistake.  The new school district doesn't "do" self-contained so her therapists, former teachers and I thought the autism program with assisted inclusion (an aide with her and a few other autistic kids in the regular class) would be the closest thing to a best choice available.

Clearly this was a big mistake.  I'll spare you most of the details, but K cannot handle the constant transitions of changing classes, she cannot handle the noise and stimulation of the large class sizes, and she cannot handle not having a "home base" to go to to be able to calm down.  Things we were assured would not be problems when agreeing to the placement.

One month into school and sweet K has to make another big transition - we have agreed it's in her best interest to change to another school.  This new one will better meet her needs, but it is proof again that she cannot handle any sort of inclusion classroom and needs the full support of self-contained. I know it may seem silly to be grieving another failed placement when we knew this was a chance we were taking, but it breaks my heart to see this fail in 8th grade.  She only has a few short years left of school.  She isn't going to catch up to her peers.  There's yet more accepting to do.  It is sad.  It's heartbreaking.  Yes, this too we'll get over and find more things to be positive about, but at the same time this deserves it's time and place to grieve over.

K should start at the new school within a few days.  I hope she can find the support she needs.  I love her so much and just want to see her happy and thriving like last year.  I hope this is the next place she'll find it, and if not, we'll search for the next home base.  Through it all though I've learned it's okay to grieve, it's healthy even, and things will get better and we will celebrate.  That is life with a special child and I love mine so much. <3 br="br">