Changes

Tonight I sat here thinking to myself just how much these kids have grown up lately. For Little Man the change has been dramatic from when we started home schooling. For Beans it's just been a gradual maturing with an understanding past his years.

Little Man still struggles with transitions and things being out of his norm, as seen most recently when I had minor surgery, but there's also been development in that brain of his that can't really be expressed on any of the standard tests, or really any test at all. It's hard to even describe, but there's an underlying difference to him. He's started expressing when he feels his head getting out of control and will even ask for his "c" medicine (klonopin - helps with anxiety and aggression and I believe has some anti seizure effect as well) before I see outward signs of him needing it.

Preparations for the move (in less than 3 weeks now!) have taken a toll on him. He's obsessing over packing to the point he'll wake in the middle of the night, go get a box and wake me up to pack something. Usually I try to get him back to sleep, but I admit we have more than one box that has been packed in the middle of the night. Packing seems to calm him, but he is a bit irritable and on edge. Transitions + autism = challenge. While he's so very excited to move close to his uncles, aunts, cousins and his idol, Paxton, he's also very sad to be leaving his best friend, T, and his grandma and grandpa. Living here has given him, and all of us really, a special relationship with my dad and stepmom. We're all going to miss having them close.

Back to the positives though, Little Man has become newly aware. He's more aware of what's going on with his body (able to recognize pain and other feelings more often). He's gotten even more caring and loving towards people. He even makes great effort to be helpful between (unintentional) destructive streaks.

Beans is growing up more and more each day. He's such a typical 10 year old, and yet he also has a compassion and understanding far beyond his years. Growing up with medical challenges is a hard thing to do, but add an autistic brother who limits what you can do, requires so much of mom's attention, and at times loses his mind and you've got quite the challenge.

Rare are the times Beans ever shows resentment or anger towards Little Man. He has been opening up more, mostly in quiet talks with me just before bed, about things. From how proud he is of helping his big brother learn to talk and play, to how frustrating it is that we can't do a lot of things his friends can because Little Man just can't handle the situation, to how much he loves being able to "watch" his brother, to how irritating it is to have your play constantly interrupted.

He talks frequently about his friend from school, C, who also has health challenges. He can't wait to meet some of our EE friends - other kids that are older, walk and talk and also happen to eat through tubes. I'm hoping that once we get settled I can get him into a support group for kids who have an autistic sibling and/or for kids with chronic medical problems.

I guess all in all, these little sweeties are just growing up. I love watching every new step of development (though not looking forward to those very quickly approaching teen years :P ). I have so much hope that this move will provide the things we need for our next step in life.