Heartache and Relief

Being normal is highly overrated but being special sure isn't easy either. Today the boys both had their Open Houses for school. School starts Thursday so tonight we got to go check out their classrooms, meet the teachers and all that good stuff. I thought I knew what to expect after all the meetings we've had over the past few months. That was my first mistake.

We get to Little Man's school and get in line to find out where his classroom is, I already knew who his teacher was from all the meetings at the end of the year. Or so I thought. It was a very hard decision for me to let him be placed in the new classroom. A class for emotional/behavior disorder kids. A special class because he can't handle the half special/half mainstream class. After all the test results though I knew it would be the best fit. He would be in a class with a behavior system and would be in the high-functioning class that is pretty much on base academically. Especially having just retained him I had high hopes of this working.

Then they tell me who his teacher is. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. They didn't place him in the high-functioning class but the kids with both EBD and learning/cognitive issues. I'm sure the poor lady giving out class assignments wasn't sure what to think when I took a deep breath to hold back the tears and then moved to the next station.

You know, I've accepted a long time ago that Little Man is a different fellow. He's wonderful, unique, thinks outside the box and a total blessing. Whatever is in his ability to accomplish will make me happy - whatever it is. But being placed in the "special, special" class I guess I just wasn't prepared for.

We went to his class and met his teacher. Found out his class will only have 5 students - all boys. His teacher and I sat down as she let the boys explore her room. Investigating closets, touching everything, opening and closing drawers and doors. None of it phased her.

As we started talking, Mrs. R's passion for teaching these special little fellows was abundantly apparent. Come to find out, she has two autistic kiddos of her own - one 18 year old daughter and a 15 year old son - as well as two other kids. Her autistic ones are both higher functioning and seem to mirror mine in many ways. The behaviors don't phase her, the issues don't phase her and she has HOPE for these kids.

I could spend all night writing all we talked about - for over an hour. I expressed my concern about Little Man regressing and she told me not to worry. This is how these kids learn. They seem to not make progress or lose skills for long periods and all the sudden bam - they've got the whole concept. OMG When she said that I was holding back the tears again. I have said this so long about Little Man - that he doesn't grasp things, doesn't get it but once he's wrapped his mind around every aspect of a concept he knows it better than I do. Hearing her say that was pretty much total confirmation that he was in the right place.

After about an hour, another little boy from Little Man's class came in. He's also a 9 year old and they were so cute together. I can't describe their interactions well but they were both quite taken by each other and then the excitement began. The jumping up and down, flapping, noises and smiles. All the kids in this class are verbal, unlike Little Man's old class. They'll be focusing mainly on social skills, working as a group and life skills. Academics will come eventually but these things come first.

As we left the school, my heart was torn in two. One side still struggling with all the "special"-ness of my wonderful boy, and the other so relieved and hopeful that this year will be fabulous. Sometimes things just happen as they should and it's my job to accept that, work to get these boys all they need and deserve and to not forget to sit back and be thankful for all that we have.