Fireworks and Feelings

I love holidays. Any holiday. Any reason to have fun. The stubborn streak in me is determined to celebrate everything, no matter what it takes. Of course for the Fourth of July that means a parade and fireworks. The boys love the candy from the parade, even though Beans can't eat but a couple things. We packed up and headed out. Whoever decided that 4 pm is a great time for a parade in July in Florida was clearly out of their mind. :P The parade was long enough to be fun but short enough that they stayed fairly interested until the end.

After the parade we went home to rest and cool off for a couple hours until time for fireworks. This wasn't quite as easy as the parade. Lots more people. Dark. Loud noises. Two feedings for Beans. And a Little Man who will walk off never to be seen again if not watched constantly. One mom divided by two boys means there's no possible way to watch Little Man every moment. Yet I am determined so Little Man wore a wrist strap hooked to the belt loop on my pants while Beans rode in his chair. He can walk just fine but tires easily and has poor tolerance for the heat. Carrying him is just too much now hence the chair.

We found a nice spot to spread out our sheet. Last year they were pretty nervous because of the loud noises but this year I held Little Man on my lap and Beans sat close and they loved it. Their favorites were ones they called Sparklers...the ones that were pretty and then sparkled out afterward.

That's the storybook version. As we were driving home I was shocked to find myself with tears in my eyes, and not happy ones. Why, after such a fun day, does it hit how "special" the boys are? Watching other kids Little Man and Beans ages running around with their friends, swimming in the river, eating whatever their little minds dreamed up. While at the parade Little Man coped with the crowd of people by holding his car upside down and spinning the tires. Pushing Beans wheelchair back to the car because otherwise I'd be carrying him as he was just too worn out. Little Man running in circles waiting for the fireworks to start as, once again, he was overstimulated by the crowds. Ignoring the stares and pretending I don't see them as I'm syringing formula into Beans stomach.


Despite all that, we are so incredibly blessed. Little Man and Beans are perfect just the way they are and I know that. Just to look at them you wouldn't know they had any issues. They are learning, even if it takes them longer. Some nights it just hits me what they are missing out on and how I imagined life was "supposed" to be. And then I look into their smiling faces, so thrilled by the littlest things, and I know I'm the luckiest mom in the world.