What Makes A Family?

This time spent having another adult around so much of the time has brought to the front of both my thoughts, and the kids thoughts, what it would be like to have a co-parent. I've realized that having someone around who is ready, willing, able and loving when it comes to those every day challenges of having my two kiddos, having someone patient that they adore and that I really enjoy having around is a totally different ballgame than my initial take on co-parenting. At this point the kids have had no contact with their biological dad in 18 months, haven't seen him in around 4 years. This past month has flipped their world upside down and in such a positive way.

It's one thing to be told that your family loves you, even if they don't live with you and you only see them on special occassions. It's an entirely separate entity to be in close companion with a co-parenting figure. The kids still know that Mom is boss and that's the way it is. I'm still the one they come to for their deepest heartaches, but they now have two other adults that they are both extremely comfortable with and, have on occassion, referred to as dad. Now don't be jumping to any conclusions here, I'm just saying we're all finding a new dynamic of our intimate family. The kids now have two people, and a very close third, that they can talk to, snuggle with, play with and tell their deepest hurts and joys. When Uncle J leaves for work in the mornings Beans must be pried off him. He would love to go spend the whole day with him at work. As soon as J is home at night, he can't even get in the door before the kids are wanting him for this and that.

It can make for awkward situations. When Beans doesn't want to leave the house of the other person he's decided is his dad he will hold onto him, crawl into his lap, and beg me to just leave and let him stay there. He's constantly begging to take this person into our family...and his dogs and cat too....oh heck, he'd like the bunnies too, who am I kidding? ;) Beans will cling and cling to this person and try to shoo me away. It's like he's found something that he's been increasingly missing this last while. Beans has found his own little spot in the world, where he knows he's brilliant and just as importantly knows that being brilliant is fabulous! There's a change that has come over him. His tube is no longer anything he's ashamed of. It is what it is and that's no big deal. He takes great joy in learning things and sharing what he knows. Yes, to some, I suppose that's perseverating, but for him, it's a new found confidence and pride in himself.

Beans and Little Man's biological dad has no clue what he's missing out on. All he could see were hours and hours of screaming, very slow progress, weird behaviors, "kids with issues." He could never see what they truly are - absolutely amazing, blossoming individuals who are well loved and treasured by a great number of people. While it's sad that they can't have that reassurance from their bio dad, in this situation it's probably more healthy, and definitely more realistic to have their fill-ins.

They deserve to be seen as people first, not as series of issues. They deserve to have people truly excited for their newest milestone or obsession or achievement. They deserve to have people see them as whole and complete people, just the way they are. They deserve above all to be loved and cherished, respected and to be treated kindly. A family doesn't have to be those select few that your genetics directly trace from, a family is all those who care about you, who love you, who stand by you, who hold you when you cry and scoop you up and get you right back on your feet. Family is who we choose it to be and my kids and I are very blessed to have the family we do.